


My Worst Low

by RPGwrites



Series: Pathfinder, Truthseeker [6]
Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Angst, Bad low, Diabetes Day 2020, Diabetic Ryder, F/M, Hallucinations, Illnesses, Type 1 Diabetes, Whump, diabetic whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:07:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27588599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RPGwrites/pseuds/RPGwrites
Summary: A perfect night where Ryder and Jaal can watch movies aren't asking too much, is it? All the crew is out for shore leave and they have the Tempest to themselves. But a good night turns bad when Ryder has her worst low yet. Jaal can't wake her, not even SAM is successful. Will Ryder be okay? How will they make it through the night?
Relationships: Jaal Ama Darav/Female Ryder | Sara
Series: Pathfinder, Truthseeker [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1544851
Comments: 8
Kudos: 12





	My Worst Low

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to [ starkeeper ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/starkeeper/pseuds/starkeeper) for betaing. 
> 
> This fic was supposed to be for diabetes day but unfortunately I couldn't post it in time. It was very important to me to write this for personal reasons. This side of diabetes doesn't get looked at and I wanted to show this. I hope you enjoy to read it. All feedback is appreciated!

Neither Jaal nor Ryder knew how bad things would get this night. 

They thought it was a time they could use to do something they both liked. Everyone was on shore leave and the only people that were on the Tempest were Jaal and Ryder.

But none of them knew it would be one of the worst nights of their lives. 

"What do you want to do tonight?" Jaal asked her earlier that day. 

Ryder shrugged, "What about a movie?"

Ryder didn't feel like going out with the crew. Her muscles ached uncomfortably reminding her that she needed some rest. The last few months have been stressful for her. She planned to go to bed early for a change. 

"Okay," Jaal agreed, "Can I pick?"

"Sure, I'll get some snacks."

Within the hour Ryder and Jaal were sitting in front of the monitor setting the movie. 

Ryder snuggled besides Jaal and looked up at him when he spoke.

"You'll like this one."

"Oh?" 

"The protagonist reminds me of you. She finds family with a group of unlikely friends."

She only snorted in response, "Sounds more like the Tempest crew."

Jaal smiled as he thought about the movie, "Maybe you're right about that." 

* * *

This was nice, spending time like this with Ryder. It wasn't something they got to do very often. 

In fact, this was the first time they would watch a movie together. 

There were parts of the movie where Ryder laughed. Jaal could feel how some of her tensed muscles relaxed. 

When his favourite part of the movie arrived he looked at her eager to see her reaction. But she drifted off to sleep. 

His lips formed a smile as he watched her sleep. She must've been more tired than she realized. 

Ryder needed this. They needed this. So while she slept he enjoyed the rest of the movie. 

As the movie went on Jaal kept checking on Ryder. He wasn't sure why, but he had a bad feeling. 

She looked off, more tired than usual. 

It wasn't long until her face was screwed up into a frown and she kept mumbling words his translator couldn't pick 

_ Something is wrong,  _ a voice in the back of his head was telling him.  _ Wake her up. _

But he kept ignoring that voice. She could just be dreaming. 

So he kept on watching the movie. Until he heard something. At first, he wasn't sure what it was. 

_ I'm probably imagining things.  _

But he heard it again. He scooted closer to Ryder, trying to figure out what was going on. It took him some moments to realize that her breathing was different. Heavier. 

Something was wrong. He should do something, but what? 

The credits started to roll but Jaal hasn’t noticed. His attention was at Ryder. 

It was just on his lips to call out for SAM before he talked over Ryder's room comm.

"Mr. Ama Darav."

SAM sounded as calm as always. As if he wanted to make an announcement. But in his heart, Jaal knew it was about Ryder. And it was bad. 

So instead Jaal didn't run around in circles. 

"What's wrong with Ryder?" 

"Ryder is currently experiencing low blood sugar. She needs medical attention immediately."

How was it possible that SAM spoke in the same tone he usually did, but somehow it matched the atmosphere? Jaal's eyes never left Ryder's. "How low and what should I do?"

"One moment please."

Jaal looked in disbelief at the direction where his blue orb was. There was no time for SAM to say something like that. She needed help immediately. 

Her omni-tool light up glowed its orange colour. On it, an alarm went off as a red number blinked.  _ 1.4 mmol/L.  _

Jaal blinked as he made sure he read that correctly. If his memory was correct then that was very low. 

"I'll give you a set of instructions. Ryder's sugar levels are-"

"That's not good," he mumbled. But all the same, SAM heard him. 

"That is correct."

But this time Jaal ignored him. He shook Ryder with his hands trying to wake her. "Ryder, I need you to wake up. Please, Ryder, don't do this."

He was afraid she would not come back from this. People have died from lows before. Ryder couldn't be one of them. 

He kept trying and trying. But all his attempts were futile. 

"SAM, can you wake her up?"

"No," the answer came immediately. And he knew it was too much to hope for. "I tried to wake her up. But she isn't responding."

Ryder continued mumbling and making weird noises. As if she was proving to them, asking for help. As if she was locked inside a cage and wasn’t able to do anything about it. 

Jaal gave a heavy sigh. He felt helpless. She needed him. Seeing her like this, not being sure how to respond. But he can't let her down now. She needed him. 

"SAM, contact Lexi and tell her what happened. Now."

"I'm unable to contact her." The answer came so fast he wasn't sure if SAM truly tried. 

"Why?"

"She's not answering."

Jaal froze. Suddenly he forgot everything Ryder told him about handling a low. He should've paid more attention. He knew what to do, but somehow his brain was unable to recall it. 

Why would Lexi not answer the one time they desperately needed her? 

"What should I do SAM?" he desperately asked him. Hoping he would have the answers. 

"We need to get her sugar up. I suggest getting ration bars."

Jaal was confused but stood up to get it anyway. "How will she eat? She is unconscious."

He had a feeling SAM wouldn't give him an answer so he continued, "In the meantime keep contacting Lexi."

Jaal practically ran to the galley. But when he got there he remembered he didn't know where the ration bars were. He didn't eat them, Ryder had her own stash. Problem was he didn't know where. 

So he went from cabinet to cabinet until he found them. 

"Mr Ama Darav."

Jaal wanted to beg him for good news. "Yes?"

"Dr T'Perro answered," he wasn't sure if he was correct but it almost sounded like SAM was relieved as well while he heard SAM's answer. "She'll be here soon."

* * *

Ryder was dreaming. 

She and Asher were at a beach on Earth. The Ryder family visited it plenty of times. 

But something was different.

Maybe it was the waves that bothered her. The waves acted strangely, yet she couldn't say why.

She also heard voices. 

Ryder had to concentrate really hard to identify them. But after awhile she did. And that was what made her frown. 

It was Jaal and SAM. But they spoke far off. It wasn't from there. And her mind was having a hard time to know what was real.

Jaal was scared. In fact, she never heard him being that afraid before. He tried to wake her up.

But...he couldn't. 

Ryder tried to reach out to him. But she was locked in. Her mind was stopping her. But why?

Was this real?

Or some kind of weird dream she never experienced before? 

SAM was as calm and neutral as always. But as time went by their words floated around her. 

She couldn't process them. And that's when Ryder started being afraid. 

* * *

Jaal rushed back to Ryder's room with a box of ration bars. But he couldn't get there fast enough. Jaal had finally found the ration bars and rushed back with a couple of them.

Hope bloomed in his heart, hoping that she was awake somehow. But she was in the same state he left her in. 

He opened the packet but just as he wondered how to give her it the doors swooshed open.

"How is she?" Lexi's voice felt like a bigger relief than Jaal could say.

"How do I…" he pointed toward the bar. "She's unconscious I…"

"Just try to give it to her. She'll respond."

Jaal blinked his eyes in response. Surely he must've heard it wrong. "Just give it to her."

"Yes," Lexi confirmed. "Talk to her."

Jaal believed the doctor was horribly wrong but did it nonetheless. 

"Ryder… Amber," he began. He hoped she would respond better with her first name. "I need you to eat this." He brought the bar to her mouth, feeling stupid by doing this. "Open your mouth."

He hoped Lexi was right. He needed her to be. 

Sure enough, Ryder did as she was told. He wouldn't have believed it if he didn't see it with his own eyes. She followed his instructions and slowly but surely she ate the first bar. 

"Give her more," Lexi instructed. 

"Alright." Inside his chest, he hoped after the second one she'd wake up. 

* * *

Ryder wasn't sure what happened, but slowly the images of her dreams were fading. 

She blinked her eyes to make her vision clearer but it didn't work. Ryder was there, yet she wasn't. 

She could see Jaal and Lexi. That's when she realized she ate something. What it was, she couldn't say for sure. 

Voices spoke. Probably Lexi and Jaal. Maybe SAM. But her mind couldn't make sense of it. 

Jaal began to cry. It wasn't long until she could recognize his voice. 

"Ryder please," he took a deep breath, the tears making it harder to speak. "Please wake up. I need you to be okay. Please be okay. That's all you need to do." He kept on begging and begging.

Forms and images played in front of her. And it was hard to see what was real or not. Asher and the beach were still there being in the background. 

_ I want it to stop! What's real? _

No matter how hard she tried she couldn't get a grip on it. 

Ryder wanted to comfort Jaal. She wanted to escape, whatever this was. But she was frozen. She couldn't do a thing. All she could do is helplessly stare at the imagines in front of her. 

There was no running away. This was the part of diabetes she hasn't came across before and it scared her more than she could say. 

* * *

Jaal made sure Ryder kept eating. 

"Her sugar is going up," he heard Lexi say. He hadn’t noticed when she scanned Ryder's sugar. 

The only thing he cared about was waking Ryder.

The tears were flowing down on his cheeks and there was no way of stopping them. 

"Ryder please…" he kept on begging. 

After a moment someone spoke and he thought his heart stopped. Or maybe his ears deceived him.

"What...I…" a very confused Ryder spoke. She blinked her eyes looking over her surroundings. It almost seemed like she wanted to make sure what she saw was truly there. 

But Jaal was relieved. He embraced her. Ryder's arms didn't know what to do. And he said the one thing he probably shouldn't have and sobbed into her neck. "You almost died. I thought I'd lost you." 

* * *

" _ You almost died." _

Jaal's words struck something. Ryder couldn't say what. 

"SAM scan Ryder's sugar again." Ryder recognized Lexi's words. 

After a while, her omni-tool beeped and Lexi checked, "3.4. That's better."

_ That's low. How low was my sugar? _

Ryder still didn't precisely know what happened. She knew she had a very bad low. The worst she ever had. But not much else. 

She always had the normal symptoms with lows. Fatigue, dizziness, shakiness, even headaches. But never in a way she was so helpless. Others needed to be there for her. And she hated it. 

Jaal was still crying and she couldn't bare to look at him.

_ "You almost died." _

The words kept echoing in the back of her mind. That is not possible. 

She wasn't even in a coma. She was fine. 

But she didn't feel fine. 

"I'm going to make you some coffee with sugar," Lexi climbed off from the couch and exited her room. 

"What happened?" Ryder asked. 

"You… you had a low," Jaal said. At least he stopped crying. It made things less grimm than a moment ago. "A bad one."

Ryder's dream made more sense now, but that was not possible. 

_ Did I hallucinate? _

"Are you okay?" Jaal asked.

_ No. I'm not.  _ "I don't know," she lied. "I'm very tired."

"Let's get you to bed."

That's when Ryder's heart started racing. "No. No, I don't want to sleep."

She couldn't go back. Ryder never wanted to sleep again. Maybe then what happened today will never happen again. 

Lows were okay even though she have been a diabetic only for a few months she was used to the lows. But this was something else. Something she didn't ever want to experience again. 

Jaal's eyes searched hers. He was confused. "You don't have to. I'll sit with you."

After a moment she nodded, "Okay."

* * *

It wasn't long until Lexi came with her coffee. She took the mug gladly. Her body needing the sugar. 

"Ryder, you had us worried," Lexi said. But Ryder didn't like the look her doctor was giving her. It said it was her fault that this happened. Maybe she was even right. "Are you okay?"

"Just tired." The answer was short, it gave no extra information than it asked for. 

Lexi nodded, "Alright. Just scan your sugar before going to sleep again. We'll monitor you."

But Ryder shook her head, "I'm not going to sleep." She didn't know how she would stay awake because she started to have trouble keeping her mug upright. But she was dead serious about not going back to sleep ever again.

"Ryder," Lexi squeezed her hand, "You need to. SAM will keep an eye on you."

_ But SAM couldn't even wake me.  _

Ryder only nodded. She would see where she could get an opening to fight them. 

When her sugar was 4.0 Jaal led out a bigger breath than he thought was possible. 

Lexi had already left and Jaal was the only one left in Ryder’s room. 

"You should get some rest."

She wanted to say no. Refuse it. But she knew they wouldn't let her. Instead, she begged Jaal, "Please stay. I can't…"

Jaal looked at her for long and climbed into bed next to her, "Of course. I'll stay. I won't leave your side."

* * *

Ryder couldn't relax. Neither of them said a word. She was fighting the sleep. But she wouldn’t be able to fight it for long. 

The hard sigh that escaped her mouth every couple of seconds was telling enough. After a while though, she fell asleep. 

"SAM?" he whispered, making sure not to wake her up. "Is she okay?"

"Yes," the AI responded, "It's natural for her being tired right now."

Before Jaal could say anything else the door swooshed open. 

"How is she?" Lexi whispered. 

Jaal untangled himself from Ryder. He moved slowly. First moving his arm, then the rest of him. 

He only spoke when he stood beside the doctor, "She's sleeping." It was the obvious answer but he didn't know what else to say.

The truth was he didn't really know how she was doing. But she was far from being fine. 

Lexi squeezed his arm as if she knew what he was thinking, "She'll be fine. She might be tired tomorrow. But Ryder will be okay."

"Why did this happen?"

"I'll talk to her. And we'll see which improvements can be done."

Jaal's only answer was looking worriedly at her sleeping form. He had a feeling he wouldn't sleep well tonight. 

* * *

When Ryder woke up she felt even more tired than she had before. She slept as if she hadn’t slept for days. And she counted her lucky stars that her sugar didn't drop. 

Just as she got out of the bed her doors swooshed open to reveal none other than Lexi again. 

Ryder frowned in response, "Since when do you not knock?"

She did have a pretty open-door policy, but everyone still knocked to respect her privacy. 

But Lexi ignored her. The doctor looked concerned. "Ryder you're up. Good. Mind joining me in the med bay, we need to talk about last night."

She expected this of course. Lexi would want to know what exactly happened for her sugar to act the way it did.

But Ryder didn't have the answers. She wished she did. She never wanted that to happen again. 

"Just give me a sec to get dressed."

* * *

"How are you feeling?"

Ryder hadn't even properly taken a seat when Lexi began to talk. She sighed as she considered. 

She was feeling shaky. As if she couldn't eat enough sugar. Ryder was still tired and somehow her responses felt slower. 

"I'm okay."

Lexi froze as she weighed her options before her. There was no way she believed her. But for some reason beyond her, she let it go. 

Lexi knew Ryder too well. And for that reason Ryder knew the doctor would be keeping a close eye on her. 

"No work for the next two days," Lexi picked up her datapad. Probably to check on some notes she made the last time Ryder saw her regarding her blood sugar. 

"Lexi, I can't just take two days off." There were so many things to do. Tann would have her head if she took off from work because of a low. "I'm okay. It wasn't as bad as it can get."

_ "You almost died." _

Jaal's words kept playing over and over in her head and she couldn't be sure why. Surely he must've overreacted. If she got to a diabetic coma she might've been worried - but she hadn’t. 

_ But aren't I worried?  _

Ryder shook her head to mentally throw those thoughts away. One weird look from Lexi told her she saw it. 

"Ryder," she squeezed her hand, "You're right, but if you were alone…"

Lexi didn't need to say the words. Because Ryder thought about it since it happened. This whole episode made her aware of a fear she didn't know she had until now. 

_ What if my sugar falls and I don't wake up? _

She had a false sense of security. But last night it made her realize that even SAM might not be able to wake her. 

"I wasn't," Ryder reminded her instead. "Look Lexi, I don't know why this happened. I didn't do anything out of the ordinary."

"I believe you." Lexi's eyes focused on her datapad again. "I won't put you on medical leave but I do want to keep a close eye on you."

"Sure." It was a relief to her. 

Ryder wasn't sure why Lexi even agreed to her, usually she wouldn't. Maybe she knew Ryder had a lot on her plate. Maybe she convinced her. 

Whatever the reason was she was thankful. 

* * *

Jaal didn’t sleep well. The whole night he rolled around his cot. After a few hours of checking Ryder sleeping he decided to try sleeping himself but it was futile. 

The morning couldn't come soon enough and when it came his feet took him none other than to Lexi. 

But he couldn't get himself to knock or callout. What would he even tell Lexi? Why was he here? 

He didn't know how long he stood there until the doors open. 

His heart fluttered at the door and none other than Lexi looked at him. "Jaal, come in."

"How did you…"

"SAM."

Of course it was the AI. He knew exactly what was going on in the ship. So Jaal just nodded and stepped into the med bay. 

Lexi studied him and her features turned up into a frown. "Is something on your mind Jaal?"

How could he ask her this? How could he say those words? Ask how far Ryder was from dying last night?

Jaal took a deep breath, but where it usually was easy it was very hard. 

"Jaal," that brought his attention back to her. "Is it about last night?"

So Jaal took another deep breath and said those words as fast as he could. "Did Ryder almost die?"

"Jaal," she came closer and squeezed his shoulder. "She's okay."

"That doesn't answer my question."

Lexi nodded and back down. "She wasn't in a coma which is good. It would've been more worried some. It was a very dangerous low though. If she was alone it could've been worse."

"So I'm not overreacting?"

"Well," Lexi weighed what happened the night before, "Telling her she almost died didn't help things."

"Oh, you heard that?" Jaal didn't know why he said that. Maybe for himself but that wasn't fair to Ryder. 

"I understand." Lexi squeezed his shoulder. "Right now all you can do is be there for her."

* * *

The next couple of days the days were long and the nights even longer. 

Ryder ignored Jaal at every turn. He wanted to talk but that was the last thing she wanted to do. 

Even with days passed, she didn't want to go to sleep. So she kept herself busy, which only resulted in her passing out on her desk as well. 

It took her days after the low just to feel okay. 

She even began taking others to missions with her other than Jaal. 

* * *

One night late Ryder got up from her work to make her some coffee in an effort to keep herself awake. 

"Ryder?" a familiar voice spoke. 

"Jaal," she turned around. "You're up late." 

Jaal said nothing.  _ Was he mad?  _ But then his features softened. "You look tired?"

"I am," she admitted. "But I have too much work to do." It was a lie and both of them knew it. 

"Can we talk?"

Ryder sighed. She and Jaal were beginning to drift apart. And it was because of what happened. They needed to fix things. 

"Sure."

They walked to her room. The further they walked the further the awkward atmosphere spread.

"It's been weeks, how are you doing?"

That came out of Jaal's mouth faster than she expected. But it wasn't entirely unexpected. 

"I only felt the effects of it for two days. I'm fine." Ryder wasn't entirely truthful. 

But Jaal could see through her. He always could. “You’re not fine. You’re avoiding sleep.”

“Is it that obvious?” she nervously ran her fingers through her hair. 

“Ryder…” 

“I know. I know.” She sat on her bed. “I just… I can’t risk it.” 

_ Why am I admitting this? _

Jaal took a seat next to hers and wrapped his arms around her. “Let’s talk about this.”

That’s when Ryder unravelled herself from him. “I don’t want to talk about this!”

Jaal’s look crushed Ryder. When she thought about her words she reconsidered them.“I want to be there for you but I can’t if you’re not honest with me.” His words crushed her even more. And to make the matter worse, she knew he was right. 

“Jaal…” She paused, not being sure what to say. “That’s not my intention. I want to be but…”

“What’s the problem?” All she saw in his features was concern. And it made her feel even guiltier. 

Ryder let out a sigh bigger than intended. She focused on her hands, fiddling on her lap. She couldn’t look at him any longer. “I don’t think I can.”

Jaal wrapped his arms around her once again, “Trust me. I know things have been hard. To see you like that…"

“I know and I do, that’s not the problem.”

“Alright,” he nodded as if he understood. “Just try.”

It felt like she had this huge burden on her shoulders. She wanted to share this with him but it was too hard. “I can’t explain what I experienced.”

Jaal only pulled her closer to him, “I can imagine it was hard. And you don’t have to tell me what you experience. You can just talk about what’s been bothering you.”

Somehow it gave her peace to know she could share as much as she wanted. So she said the one thing she couldn't say out loud. "What if you weren't there?"

"Ryder, don't think like that. I was and…"

"What if it happens again and I can't wake up? What if no one is there?" SAM was there but even he couldn't help her this time. 

Jaal only blinked at her words. He didn't know what he should say. 

"I just… I was helpless. This disease just surprises me at every corner." She looked into Jaal's concerned eyes, "It always beats me. It's always one step ahead of me."

He squeezed her hand and she felt his bio-electricity. But it didn't give her the comfort it usually did. "I'll always be there."

Ryder stood up from her bed, "That's not something you can promise." She sighed. "I'm so tired of this. Of this constant anxiety thinking of what could go wrong. Wondering if it will be the thing that kills me."

"Ryder you're trying your best."

But she only shook her head, "That’s not good enough. I don't want the rules," it's been a while since she admitted that. "What do I get? The complications. Doing my best means absolutely freaking nothing."

"Following the rules helps." Jaal was trying to be helpful. And for that Ryder really appreciated it. But it wasn't enough for her. 

"I don't know anymore. Sometimes I wonder why I keep on trying." Ryder wasn't sure where this came from or why she admitted it. Maybe she needed to. "I don't want to do this anymore. I don't even know why this happened! Sometimes it has a mind of its own. I just want an explanation! Is that too much to ask for?"

In the end, Ryder was breathing rapidly. "I'm sorry," she apologized, "I don't want to put this all on you."

But Jaal only smiled in response, "You've been there for me. Let me be there for you."

There was a lump in her throat and she didn't understand why. 

"I'm sorry I said I almost lost you." The words came out suddenly and Ryder didn't know why. But she knew exactly what he meant though. 

"Don't…"

"You just really scared me."

Ryder took a deep breath, "I know."

* * *

Jaal left not long after they talked. Somehow she felt lighter. Perhaps she needed this talk more than she knew. 

She was exhausted and she felt better about sleeping so that's what she did. 

It was the best sleep she had in weeks.

It was weeks after that she decided to stop by at the tech lab to thank Jaal. 

"Morning."

Jaal's eyes searched hers over. "You seem...different."

Ryder smiled at that. "I guess I do. It's actually why I'm here." 

"Is everything okay?" Jaal's eyes searched hers to make sure. 

"Yeah. I just want to thank you for always being there for me." Ryder took his hand into hers. "Every time I think I'm alone, you’re here to prove me wrong. And each time I need it."

Jaal's lips formed a smile, "I'll always be there when I can. That I can promise you."

And that was something Ryder could believe. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to come and say hi on [ Tumblr ](https://rpgwrites.tumblr.com/).


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